"Autumnal Equinox" Part 11/11

Buffy awakened first the next morning, momentarily confused by the unfamiliar ceiling and room arrangement. Then she heard a soft, male sigh beside her and everything came flooding back in a warm wave of happiness. She propped up on her elbow and watched Giles sleep. He was sprawled on his back, one arm outflung off the side of the bed, the other resting on his stomach. He looked relaxed and content, all sign of worry or distress absent from his handsome face. The morning sun was coming in through the window, dappling gold light across his chest and throat.

The terrible urgency of the Great Passing was gone. She had gotten so used to its presence that she felt a curious void inside her that was not entirely unpleasant. It was a relief to be free of it, the fever and the pain. As she looked on her Watcher's face, she felt something else, and knew that the Great Passing was not the only reason she had wanted to make love to him.

His hair was rumpled in defiance of gravity, and with a smile, she reached out to stroke it softly. His expression twitched slightly and he made a quiet sound in his throat. Buffy leaned over to kiss his cheek gently, and he turned toward her reflexively before opening his eyes. On seeing her, a brief grin flashed across his face, unguarded and open.

"Hello," he murmured.

"You sound surprised," she said, amused.

"I am, a little," he admitted. "I thought you might...well, I expected to find you gone this morning. Thought you would go home afterward."

"Do you want me to?" she said, looking faintly hurt. His hand rose from his stomach to touch her face, and he searched her eyes for a moment.

"No," he said softly. "No, I...I'm glad you stayed." Buffy's hand snaked under the covers down by his hips, and he drew a quick, deep breath when she touched his penis, fondling him slowly. His eyes closed for an instant and he shifted under the dark red blanket with a soft grunt of pleasure, then looked at her. "Do you need me again?" he asked roughly. Her touch was much more confident than it had been last night, and he was hard in her hand in just a few breaths. "Is the urge still with you?" Buffy shook her head.

"No, it's gone. I just..." She laughed a little at the simplicity of what she was feeling, and everything it meant. "I just love you, is all." He smiled broadly at her, stroking along the line of her jaw.

"The bond's deep," he murmured, putting his hand on his stomach as if feeling something penetrating him there. "I can feel you wrapped around my soul." Buffy nodded slightly, turning inward for a moment to consider the new strength of their connection.

"My hair must be a disaster, if yours is any clue," Buffy muttered.

"You look fine," he said with a smile, lightly drawing his fingertip down the bridge of her nose and over her lips. "You look..." He grinned suddenly. "Sated." She laughed.

"I'd better after last night, big dragon," she said. The affectionate nickname seemed to please him, and he sat up to take her in his arms, hugging her tight and rubbing her naked back. She held him fiercely, loving the closeness of his bare shoulders and chest, his warm hands on her skin. She just hugged him back, enjoying the moment and feeling totally at ease with him.

She was caressing his shoulders lightly as she drew back, looking at the marks she had made on him the night before. He grunted as she touched a dark bruise on his arm where she had bitten him. It was not the only such bruise he bore, but it was one of the most obvious.

"Sorry about this," she murmured, and glanced up in surprise when he laughed.

"It will heal," he said. "But the delicious memory of how I got it will stay with me forever. You, however, are more fortunate." He turned her head to examine one of the bites he had given her on her throat. It was only the faintest discoloration now, due to her unusual healing abilities. "I think I could bite you to my heart's content and it wouldn't even show in forty-eight hours."

She kissed him softly, testing whether they could stand the taste of each other this morning. He responded hesitantly, as if thinking the same thing, but it was fine and she deepened the kiss languorously, wrapping her arms around his neck. It was gentle this time, wanting to learn the other's strength through softness rather than brutality. She touched his nipples, just brushing lightly, and his hands cupped the shape of her smooth rump. Her hands found his thighs, rubbing them sensuously, and he sat down cross-legged to invite her if she wanted him. She did, and he pulled her into his lap, lowering her onto his hardness and groaning into her mouth as she took him completely inside. She broke the kiss to lean her head back, letting him support her as she rode him slowly with her hands on his shoulders.

She was gorgeous in the morning light, and Giles fought to keep his eyes open to watch her, delighted by her supple power and copper-tanned skin. He couldn't believe he could even get an erection after last night, but it had come warmly and without effort. Maybe it was the obviousness of her appreciation. She made him feel profoundly sexual and unselfconscious, and right now she was enjoying him so much that just the sight of it made his pleasure swell.

"Can't hold on much longer," he whispered.

"S'okay," she murmured. "I can't either." She loved his easy masculine strength, the relaxed way he was going with his pleasure and hers rather than trying to hold it back. He just felt good, warm and sensual and hers. Her climax was a sudden flood of heat, everything about him exquisite and perfect, and her hands gripped into his shoulders bruisingly as she gasped and whimpered. She heard her Watcher rumble low and then his arms went tight around her. He gave a bright yell and she felt him letting go into her in long, hard throbs. She kissed him immediately, feeling his purring sighs and his eager mouth.

"Rrrrrmmm, you're going to wear me out," he sighed as she went limp against his shoulder with her arms around him. "Can't think of a better way, though." She giggled.

They showered together, content to enjoy being with the other and engaging in serious washing now that the ferocity of lust had faded. That didn't stop her from kissing him lingeringly before he got out, or him from swatting her on the butt after she tickled him.

He dressed casually in chinos and a buttoned shirt before hopping downstairs barefoot to get the newspaper from his porch. He felt fantastic, light on his feet and overflowing with joy. The late morning sun was brilliant and beautiful and even the obnoxious newspaper headline only made him grunt uninterestedly before he went into the kitchen to make coffee.

When Buffy finally came down, she found Giles sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper. He had reclaimed his glasses and looked lost in thought, his brow furrowed. For a moment he was the distant man she had known many months ago, formal and guarded. Then he glanced up at her, and in his faint smile she saw everything that had passed between them, not just last night, but all the days before.

"I smell coffee," she announced. Her Watcher inclined his head toward the kitchen.

"Help yourself," he said. "I'm not hungry at the moment, but there's muffins in there if you want." It was then that she noticed he was barefoot, one leg tucked under him on the couch. It was strangely cute, and she grinned on her way to the kitchen. Then, coffee in hand, she joined him on the sofa, curling up on the other end from him.

"Local?" she said, holding her hand out. He passed the relevant section of newspaper over to her and she accepted it matter-of-factly. They read in silence for a little while, Buffy's legs eventually stretching out to rest her feet in his lap comfortably. He smiled but didn't look up, one of his hands dropping down to massage her foot slowly.

There was a sudden knock on the front door, and they both looked at each other for a frozen moment.

"Why do I think I know who that is?" Giles murmured. Buffy just had a resigned look, rubbing Giles' leg with her foot. He smiled. "I'll get it." He got up from the comfort of the couch to answer the door.

It was Joyce. She took in his clothes with a glance that seemed to suggest she had half-expected him to answer the door naked.

"Is Buffy here?" Joyce demanded coldly. Giles opened his mouth toreply, but Buffy appeared beside him wearing jeans and a T-shirt. Giles ducked his head slightly, not meeting Joyce's eyes. "At least you have the grace to be embarrassed," she said to him, and he looked up angrily.

"Madam, I am a gentleman," he said firmly. "I would have the grace to be embarrassed by this indiscretion even if Buffy were twice her age and you were my mother-in-law." He stepped back. "Will you come in, please? My front porch is not the proper place for this conversation."

She stepped across the threshold, trying not to look at Buffy. She didn't want to talk to her daughter. Giles was the one who bore the responsibility for this, and she didn't think she could be rational with Buffy just yet. Giles shut the door and she turned to face him.

"How dare you do this," Joyce told him, furious. "Going behind my back like this and condoning her disobeying me. Why?"

"I am her Watcher," Giles said simply. "I am bound to her, sworn to protect her, to help her, train her. It is to her that my duty is greatest. I can't ignore that."

"She's a child."

"Well, that's a matter of some debate," Giles said, scratching his head idly.

"Excuse me?"

"The autumnal equinox is sometimes called the Great Passing," Giles said. "It's the final stage in the symbolic initiatory cycle. It represents death and transition, transformation. In the case of Slayers, the death of childhood, the death of ignorance. By our traditions, Buffy is rightfully now considered an adult."

"That's convenient," Joyce remarked. "You just arbitrarily make up an age that makes her an adult. That way you don't have to deal with the subject of having sex with a minor."

"The legal age of consent varies from state to state," Giles said pointedly. "It's totally arbitrary. In England it's perfectly legal for people to start drinking when they're sixteen."

"Yeah, well, we're not in England and we're not talking about drinking," Joyce said. "There're laws in California about older men having sex with minors. I should have you arrested for rape."

"Actually, it isn't rape," Giles said. "I checked the penal code." Joyce's mouth opened in outrage.

"Yo, mom, hello?" Buffy said, annoyed. "I'm standing right here. I'm the one who snuck out in the middle of the night and came to Giles' house. It wasn't his idea. Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think Giles and I would make this up just so we could boff each other with impunity?" Giles sighed and rubbed at his eyes tiredly.

"I think that you're young," Joyce said, "and impressionable, and infatuated with a charming, older man who's willing to take advantage of you."

"That is not fair," Buffy said angrily. "It was Giles' idea to tell you in the first place. I was worried you wouldn't be able to handle it, and obviously I was right. He thinks you have a right to know, since you know I'm the Slayer. It's a weird life and you deserve to know what's going on with me. If Giles was planning on deceiving me, why would we come tell you about it, huh? I can totally understand you being uncomfortable, but at least get mad about something that makes sense."

"Buffy, I'm not a naive bystander who has to be protected from every little tiny thing that goes wrong in your life," Joyce said. "I can handle these things, but you have to tell me the truth or I can't help you. You're making a mistake, and I'm just trying to show you the bigger picture."

"I think you rather underestimate her," Giles remarked, a bit dryly.

"Or overestimate you, from the looks of it," Joyce retorted, and Giles' mouth tightened.

"Hey!" Buffy shouted. "Jeez, mom, you think I'm being juvenile? If you're going to freak out at least do it with some dignity!"

"Dignity," Joyce repeated with an amazed, bitter expression. "You sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to come over here and screw a man who's more than twice your age and you want me to behavewith dignity?"

"All right, I think that's quite enough," Giles said sharply, and she looked at him, startled by his suddenly fierce tone. He came closer to her, abandoning his place near the kitchen counter now that he had decided to get involved. "I realize that as her mother, you are entitled to be protective, but I will not have you calling me a liar and Buffy a whore."

"I didn't -- " Joyce began, feeling the intensity of his anger.

"You did," Giles stated. "You're accusing her of behaving like a tramp and I won't have that. I am not taking advantage of her and I am not using her like some...some worthless plaything. Now apologize to her at once."

"What?" Joyce said, baffled.

"Apologize to her," he repeated, enunciating the word as he would for a small child. His expression, however, held no amusement, his green eyes hard and dangerous. Joyce's mouth opened as she glanced at each of them in turn, and finally her gaze came to rest on her daughter's hurt face.

"I'm...sorry. You're right, I shouldn't have said that." She looked at Giles again.

"You know something," Giles said. "I don't think that's really why you're angry. I think you believed me completely the first time we told you what was going on."

"Now you've lost me," Buffy said.

"I used to think that the Great Passing was an ordeal for the Slayer alone," Giles said quietly, thoughtfully. "That the Watcher was merely a supporter, a comforter. But I think the truth is that this rite affects everyone involved; not just the Slayer, but the Watcher, too...and in this case, her mother." Joyce shook her head slightly as if fighting off the fog of a strong tranquilizer.

"What are you talking about?" she said.

"You don't want your daughter to grow up," he said gently. "By going through this ordeal, she is leaving behind her childhood and embracing more fully her own future and her adulthood. You don't want to lose her, so you tried to stop it in the only way you knew how; by blaming someone. The Great Passing isn't something you can fight. It has no body, no head. No prison or fort will keep it out. But if you blame me, if you convince yourself that I am the cause, that's something you know how to resist. So, you close the door in my face, and in so doing, you close the door on the threat."

"Whoa, Giles, you mean this is all some big metaphor for me leaving the nest?" Buffy said. Giles nodded slightly.

"It was Xander who first made me think of it, that night in the cemetery. He said sometimes parents don't see what they don't want to see." He looked at Joyce. "I think you're at least partly relieved that her relationship with Angel didn't work out. This isn't about me. It wouldn't have mattered whom Buffy chose. You would still have disapproved."

"But...she didn't get nearly as mad about me being with Angel," Buffy said, glancing back and forth between them.

"Maybe because she knew...as we all did, including you, that it was a doomed relationship," Giles told her gently. "You cannot live in his world, and he cannot live in ours." Buffy sighed. She did know this, but examining it in broad daylight was strange. She'd thought it might feel unpleasant, but instead it was just a calm fact filed away in her life that she could look upon now without pain.

"Yeah," she said. "You're right."

"But surely you know how this looks," Joyce said to Giles pointedly.

"Of course I know how it looks," Giles said. "Middle-aged man comes to town and takes an unusually strong interest in a teenage girl at the school where he works, spends a lot of time with her and her teenage friends, doesn't seem to have any adult friends of his own. You wonder why I don't have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend for that matter." Joyce looked surprised. "Yes, you think I don't know what you've been wondering? For your information, I don't have friends my own age because I'm too busy being the Watcher to a vampire Slayer, training her and teaching her. I don't have time for anything else. I don't have lovers my own age because I'm forbidden to."

"Forbidden?" Joyce said.

"Yes," Giles replied. "When I turned twenty-five, I took my oath to become a Watcher, and from that moment I have been celibate as required by my profession. My duties are too important, especially now that I actually have a Slayer, for me to get involved romantically with anyone, even briefly. It would take my attention and sometimes my physical presence away from Buffy. Such people also become targets for the demons we fight. It makes us vulnerable and it exposes innocent people to danger. My own Slayer is the only person with whom I would ever be permitted to form an intimate relationship, because we can protect ourselves and each other, and because that is the proper direction for us to express feelings of protectiveness, fidelity, and love."

"Mom," Buffy said, "I'm really sorry I had to disobey you. Believe me, it wasn't easy to do. But you shouldn't have tried to stop me from doing this. It really is like Giles said. This has been happening to Slayers for centuries and it isn't going to make an exception just because you happen to not like it. And...and the fact of it is, I like Giles. A lot. More than a lot. He's...he's not some dirty old man or...or a substitute father or anything like that. He's..." She groped for a word that would encompass everything their relationship meant. "He's my partner." Even that wasn't a good word, but it was the closest she could get to the kind of trust involved.

"I am...a knight," Giles said in a low voice, and both women looked at him. He glanced up from his deep thoughts, also searching for a way to explain to Joyce what this was between them. "And she is my queen. I am the bodyguard to a empress, the elder tutor to a powerful sorceress. She's no damsel in distress, but a dragon in her own right. My duty is to see where she is blind, to hear where she is deaf, to be where she is not. To be her complement in every way possible so that together we can be a single great weapon against the Darkness. The trust must be total...and the love must be total." He saw the shift in Buffy's expression, then turned his gaze back to Joyce, who was staring at him. "I have sworn to protect her," he said quietly. "With my life if necessary. I could no more harm her than I could stop my own heartbeat."

"It's just...you're growing up so fast," Joyce said to Buffy, amother's fear mixed with a mother's pride. "They don't tell you how to deal with this kind of stuff when your kids are growing up. 'Vampire Slayer' isn't in the parenting books, and there's no support group for mothers of girls who go out in the middle of the night and kill demons." She sighed and Buffy's eyes were wide. "I've had to adjust to a lot. You're right about that. It's just...weird. Vampires and demons and a chosen girl who's born to fight the forces of Darkness, and her loyal Watcher who would give his life for hers? I thought you were only supposed to read about things like that in Tad Williams novels. I don't know how to be the mother of the Chosen One, Buffy."

"Just be my mom," Buffy said, moving closer to her and taking hernervously wringing hands to still them. "I'm still Buffy. We can talk about it, if you want." Joyce smiled wanly and sighed again.

"When I was your age, the biggest thing I worried about was the prom."

"I'm still going to the prom," Buffy said pertly. "It's just that I don't have to worry about getting a date." She glanced at Giles, who smiled and glanced down at his bare feet shyly. Then he looked up, his expression sober.

"Will you give us your blessing, Joyce? I wish I could promise to keep her safe, but her destiny makes that guarantee impossible. But she will want for nothing. She will have my respect and my love and my devotion. I'd like for you and me to be friends." There was a mark on his neck, the imprint of her daughter's own evenly spaced fingernails leaving trails that started near the collar of his shirt and disappeared beneath to God-knew-where. It was a tangible, concrete sign of a side of her daughter's personality that she did not know and would never see. If nothing else in this situation had convinced her of the strength of Buffy's feelings for this man, that mark of passion was irrefutable proof of at least one thing: he was a good lover to her.

"So where do we go from here?" Joyce asked finally. Giles clearedhis throat quietly.

"Would you, um, like some coffee?" he asked. "Why don't we sit down and talk, all three of us? I'd like us to get off on the right foot." She accepted, much to Giles' relief, and she and Buffy went to sit on the couch at his gesture.

"When did you leave last night?" Joyce asked her daughter quietly, looking down at her hands.

"A little before midnight, I think," Buffy said. "Through the window." Joyce nodded.

"Everything you said about the equinox was true, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Buffy said gently. Giles came back with Joyce's coffee, handing it to her over the back of the couch. She accepted it and as he moved past where Buffy was sitting, Buffy reached out for his hand in a brief, affectionate touch. He paused and Joyce could see his quiet smile as he brushed her shoulder with his fingers before continuing around the sofa to claim the chair nearby.

That moment of silent love seemed to solidify everything Joyce had been feeling these past few weeks, and she knew she could not hold onto the illusion that Giles was a dangerous man. Their mutual attraction seemed natural -- it did not look strange or awkward between them. Joyce caught Giles' eyes as he sat down, noticing his bare feet for the first time. His role in their town as the librarian, and the Watcher to a few, kept him at a distance emotionally. Now she saw only a man who gazed at her daughter with undisguised love and pride.

"So," she said, taking a deep breath. "Let's talk."

The End