Freshman Blues
By Buffy_Giles

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me. They belong to Joss Wedon, the WB, Mutant Enemy, yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm just borrowing them to do with them as I wish. But I will not hurt them and I will clean them up before I return them. :-)
DISTRIBUTION: My site (A Watcher's Love – http://buffygiles.cjb.net) and The New B/G Shippers Site. All others, just ask.
SPOILER ALERT...If you have not seen "The Freshman," and do not want to know what happens, turn away now!!!
SUMMARY: I know how I felt during the entire exchange between Buffy and Giles. And don't you think that Buffy would feel that same what? And what about Giles? Whatever was he thinking from the time she left until he caught up with her at the sorority house?

<This is Olivia. She's an old friend. She's staying over for a few days.> Buffy ran all the way back to her dorm room. She was absolutely mortified. Giles - in a robe, with a woman. And he was so smug about it. She was so shocked by what she walked in on, that she actually felt uncomfortable in Giles' presence. She's never felt uncomfortable around him.

<I'm not supposed to have a private life?> Of course he could have a private life, but she needed his help. What she thought was going to a visit with her Watcher to discuss the possibility of vampires on the campus, turned into something she never expected.

<Officially, you no longer have a Watcher.> Those words hurt her - hurt her badly. She felt like she had been stabbed in the heart. He was the one person she thought she could count on. The one that would always stand by her side. With Willow and Oz doing the college thing, and Xander still off on his trudge around the country, she figured she could depend on him.

<You're going to have to take of yourself. I can't always be there to guide you.> What was she going to do? She didn't realize that tears had been streaming down her face until she sat down on her bed in the dorm. She felt hurt and betrayed. Her stomach hurt. She felt sick. She wanted to die. She was glad to be alone. She didn't want to have to try explain to Kathy why she was crying.

"I hate it here. I wish things were back to the way they used to be." she said out loud. She hated college, she hated feeling so small. But what she hated most was seeing Giles with another woman. She couldn't understand why.

< Maybe it's because you love him. >

Whoa! Where did that come from? Giles is her Watcher (well, not anymore), her teacher, her friend, her mentor. She loved him but only as a friend. The same way she cared about Willow, Xander, and Oz.

< Who are you kidding? >

Alright, so maybe she felt a little bit more than that, but only because they had shared so much in the past. That's all. He's, he's Giles! And he's not supposed to be with anyone else, damnit. He's hers.

< He is, is he? >

Buffy stopped. Why was she feeling this way? Was it jealousy? It couldn't be. But it sure felt that way. It was the same feeling she felt when she found out about Giles and her mother. The feeling she felt whenever she saw Giles and Miss Calendar together. "God, Buffy, selfish much? Doesn't Giles deserve a little happiness?"

She decided to put these thoughts aside for the moment. She had some patrolling to do. She'll worry about it later.

***************

Giles couldn't sleep. All he could do was think of the hurt look on Buffy's face when he told her that she had to take care of herself. He was doing it for her own good, he tried to convince himself but he just couldn't believe it. She's the Slayer but she seemed so fragile sometimes. And when she was at his house the day before she seemed more so than she ever had.

Then he had let her assume that he was sleeping with Olivia. Why had he done that? Olivia was just a dear friend from his Ripper days. She was like a sister to him. But for some reason, he wanted to do that to her - wanted to get some sort of reaction, make her jealous.

<Bloody hell old man, what were you thinking?>

"Self-reliance," he said out loud. She had to be able to handle things on her own. But damnit, he couldn't let her fight alone. He would be there right beside her.

Giles got out of bed and quickly got dressed. He was going to find Buffy, tell her he was sorry. But first, weapons, just in case.

END