Homeward

AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz
EMAIL: gabi@gschulz.de
RATING: NC-17 (only my pathetic first try at smut, but if you're under 18, you can't read it.)
DISTRIBUTION: The New Buffy/Giles Relationshippers, A Watcher's love. Others please ask first.
SPOILERS: through Helpless, set a couple of eps. after that
FEEDBACK: I'd be thrilled. (Thanks for not flaming ;-)
SUMMARY: When Giles leaves for England, Buffy realizes something (Guess what ;-). B/G
DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.
NOTE: My first fanfic "Parallels" was named after a Star Trek TNG episode, so I thought it would be cool, if I made that a rule. (Homeward is from season VII, it has nothing to do with this story though.)
---------------------------------------

The suitcases stood already packed next to the door. Everything was very tidy, but what else would you expect from Rupert Giles. Especially now that he was about to leave for England. Home, as he had referred to it, when he had told them, that the watcher's council wanted him to teach aspiring watchers something she couldn't care less about. Now the whole Scooby-Gang was at Giles apartment, to bid him goodbye. The taxi would arrive in 20 minutes, so they would have more than enough time for hugs and a little bit of teasing. It would only be for a month. Or it *probably* was. Buffy had a hunch that maybe the council would have other duties for him after this. And they surely wouldn't mind if he asked to stay in England. Home. He had always felt like an alien here in the US (even worse California!). He must have, she thought, wondering, how she would feel living in England. Around Englishmen. But Giles was glad to go back. He would never say so of course. He had made it clear that this was a way to make it right with the council and that he would be back as soon as he could. He wasn't leaving them.

And still. The nearer the date of his flight, the happier he had been. She had even heard him hum a tune, she couldn't identify. She had said nothing, because she didn't want to ruin it for him. And what could she say? 'Please stay, 'cause I would feel kinda sad, if you go.' She still wasn't sure, what exactly she felt. To her shame a great part of it was hurt pride. Could it be that she was not the only thing, that his life turned around. That he could actually live without her and even look forward to it. She felt a little like her favorite pet wanted to annoy her for ignoring him. God, even that would be about her. Why was she so self-centered. Why couldn't it just be, that Giles had his own life, his own dreams, that were not about his slayer. His Ex-Slayer.

After all he had stayed at the Hellmouth because of her (only because of her) and she still took him for granted. Well, not that she had appreciated him before he had been fired. (Fired, because he loved her.) She didn't even wanted to start thinking about, what he had gone through for her or because of her.

Only once she wanted to think about *him*. Make it easier for *him* instead for herself. She owed him that much. So she had said nothing, not even to Willow or Xander. Willow had been sad, but genuinely happy for him. Xander didn't understand that he just left them, but Giles had assured him, that he would come back as soon as the council would allow him to. He had actually smiled at Xander's concern. Sure if Xander reproached him with leaving them, it would be taken as a sign of affection. Which it was, of course. She was just angry, because she knew, that a word from her would have made him stay. God why was he so good. She didn't deserve him and now they wanted to take him away from her. This made her furious, but it was far better than the alternative. That he wanted to leave her.

The fears that arose from that were too terrifying to even think about them. No. He would be away for a month, possibly less and everything would be as it always was. She had to pull herself together. Willow had embraced and kissed him shyly. Oz had hugged him heartily, while Cordelia had formally offered her hand, which he had taken and shaken, smiling. Xander had been fidgety and when it was his turn, he first started to shake hands but then hugged Giles and gave him a little peck on the cheek, before withdrawing, at which Willow and Oz exchanged a giggle.

Now Giles looked at Buffy saying nothing, serious but smiling. God, she felt a lump in her throat.

"We'll take the suitcases out and wait for your taxi."

Willow rushed them out and then they were alone standing a couple of steps apart.

"I could be back in a month."

< Could? > That wasn't enough for her. What she really wanted was, that he'd see that she didn't want him to go and say 'Buffy, I can't go, if you don't want me to. Please forgive me for being so blind.'

< Selfish bitch, > she thought about herself, looking down, her face hardening. He went to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Buffy."

She didn't want to look into his eyes. < Pull yourself together girl. What about the I-want-to-make-this-as-easy-as-possible-for-Giles part. > She would sent him to England not sad, but happy and without guilt. Why did she want to keep him here anyway? She looked up to him with a fabricated smile, when the answer hit her right in the face, as she looked into his loving eyes. Her smile was gone in an instant and she swallowed. He stopped smiling as he saw her face change, his look expressing nothing. He was waiting for her to explain whatever she thought. But she didn't know how to express her thoughts. God, she wasn't even sure, she exactly knew, *what* she thought. So she just took his lovely face in her hands and drew his face towards hers.

The kiss was very tender and even as she started to taste him, opening her mouth slightly, there was no force or even passion. It took a few seconds until he responded opening his mouth in return. She moved her hand, running through his hair stopping at the nape of his neck. Then she started to feel his tongue begging for entrance which she very willingly gave him. He moved his hands around her, stroking her hair and her back. The passion was there now and it pushed them towards the cupboard, that separated kitchen and living room, as she moved her hands along his body. When they reached the cupboard, she had already rid him of the tweed jacket and she was working on the buttons of his shirt. He had pulled her top out of her skirt his hands working their way from her navel up to the material of her bra. When she realized, he wasn't going to remove it, she undid it herself allowing him to slide under the material to her skin. They never stopped kissing and were ravishing their mouths, when he felt her hands opening his trousers. He stopped not moving his lips from hers however. She kissed him again. When she took one hand up to his cheek to stroke it, he gave in and kissed her back, allowing her to go on and let the trousers slide down to the ground. He was already aroused. He stopped kneading her breasts, nipples already stiff from his ministrations and put his arms around her and lifted her up so that she could sit on the cupboard. He moved her legs apart, which caused the skirt to bundle around her waist with a little help from him. She squirmed to assist him as he pulled down her wet underpants. He started to caress her, moving his fingers along her slick lips. When he began rubbing her clit, she moved his hands away, afraid that she'd come, without him inside her. He understood and they together pulled down his underwear, never ending the kiss. Their lips became a little more forceful again, before he plunged into her causing her to moan into his mouth. They started a rhythm, hard, fast. When he was close he moved his hand to her clit and when she didn't object he rubbed her, until she froze, pressing him to her with all her strength, which took him over the edge, too. Their kiss became tender again until he removed his lips, at the same time sliding out of her. Her eyes were closed.

He moved a step back and watched her. He would never forget this sight. Hair messed up, lips swollen, her bra visibly undone under her top, the skirt at her waist, her underpants hanging around one foot. She was still wearing her shoes.

She didn't open her eyes. She heard him getting dressed. When he was ready he looked back at her, but she hadn't moved an inch.

"Buffy?"

She didn't react.

"I have to go now."

She opened her eyes. She couldn't believe he was actually going to go. To leave her. After what had just happened.

As he saw the shock in her eyes he moved towards her putting his hands on her shoulders. He said nothing, but moved his hands to her cheeks stroking them, but she shook them away. He smiled moving forward until his forehead touched hers.

"I'll come back."

She said nothing. He heard the taxi's horn and moved towards the door. She looked down on the floor. When he was at the door, he turned back once more to say, "I'll be home in less than a month." When there was no reaction he went out and closed the door after him.

< "I'll be home in less than a month." At least it's 'will' instead of 'could', > she thought cynically. So that was what you got for a good fuck. A 'will' instead of a 'could'. I'll be home... Home. Had he said *home*? He had never ever referred to Sunnydale as home. And he didn't do so now, she realized. Home was not England any longer, nor was it Sunnydale. Home was, where she was now. So that was what you got for loving - and being loved back. How could she have not seen it? < Does self-centered bitch ring a bell, slayer? > No! She jumped from the cupboard rearranging her clothes as good as she could on her way out, running towards the taxi, flying down the stairs. She could see him get into the cab, after a last hug from Xander. When he saw her, he rolled down the window and smiled at her. She returned the smile, radiating. She put her hands on the window, not wanting to let him go and he caressed her fingers shortly before pushing them gently away.

"I'm ready," he told the driver.

The taxi drove off. Xander and Willow went a few steps after it, but Buffy just watched it getting smaller and smaller, her eyes locked on the figure in the back, that was looking at her in return. Then it was gone.

< One month, > she thought. < I can't wait for you to get... >

"Home," she whispered.