When the Stars Fall
By Duchess Stephanie
Title: "When the Stars Fall"
Author: Duchess Stephanie (ofiles19@aol.com)
Rating: (ok, I will do this one, it's not as weird as "Soliloquies") PG-13
Category: B/G
Disclaimer: Buffy and her universe are the property of many
people who aren't me, namely 20th Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, and
blah blah blah. Joss is God, I'm just a peon.
Distribution: To Solo (of course), Cap, Xfic, and Dria. If
there's anyone else out there who wants it, ask, and I'll say
yes.
Summary: Companion/Sequel to 'Soliloquies to Those I Have Lost' Notes: Well, here it is: the long awaited (ha!) sequel to "Soliloquies to Those I Have Lost," dedicated expressly to Solo84, who insisted it could be done, even if I (and the general order of things), might have disagreed up until the last word was writ. You were right.
You always thought I hung the moon, didn't you? The stars, too, and the fireballs that streak across the sky at midnight when I'm walking alone in the cemetery. Every celestial body that called the heavens their own, I put it there, because I was *thisclose* to being one of them.
Why didn't you ever tell me? So, you have loved me for as long as you can remember, in every way you knew how. Ever glance was a kiss, every late-night snore-inducing speech about how it was my sacred duty to kill some hellspawned yadda yadda was a love sonnet, and every concerned tap was a lover's caress. But you never thought to inform me until now.
How dare you! What gives you the right to tell me all that stuff and then lay here dying, while I can't answer. Goddammit, answer me! You're being so selfish, leaving here, all by myself. It's a hell of a big, scary world to leave me alone in. I don't know if I can make it without you. I don't know if I *want* to.
We won, don't you remember? You were right next to me when I sent the Mayor to Hell for the last time, and I promised you you were going to be all right. Don't make me look like a liar. It's been a long time now. Come on. Stop it! How many freaking vampires have you killed in the past four years? I mean, God, you're not gonna let one lousy bloodsucker do you in, right? Right?
No! No, you're hot. Burning up. Oh, God, I'll get a nurse. No, this is not hell, not yet, not as long as you stay with me. I'm not dead, I'm right here! I'm alive! We're alive. All of us. Don't talk like that!
You can't leave me. Dammit, you can't! I won't let you! Look, I swear I'll never talk back to you again. I'll never lie about where I go at night, and I'll do whatever you want honest. I swear to God, if he's up there. I'll make you happy. I'll be the obedient Slayer you never asked for but always deserved. I'll read the manual, cover to cover, and memorize the most important parts. See? Once in every generation... I know some of it already! We'll study together. God, just stay.
I love you. I love you so much that it's not possible to comprehend how much. I love you like no one else, and you've always been right there, loving me back. Please stay, and love me. Jesus Christ, don't go.
Stop that! Please, just stop talking, and try to open your eyes. You're delirious. Don't thrash like that. You'll hurt yourself. Dammit, I'm right here! I'm not going to die, not now, not yet, as long as you hold up your end of the deal. We stay together, right? The Dynamic Duo, Watcher and Slayer, right up until the end. And this isn't the end. Not yet.
Tell me I'm wrong. I'm a crazy, silly girl, your girl, and when we get back to library, you'll lecture me about my predilection to jump to hasty conclusions. Oh, God, we'll never do that again.
I never got to kiss you. I never got to hold you. I never got to tell you that I wanted to do any of those things, and that's what I will regret all my life. However long it lasts. I love you, and you are just saying good-bye. Don't say good-bye. Can we just pretend that any minute, you'll sit up and laugh, like you've never laughed before, take my hand and leave? Say we can, Giles. Get up now, and I can show you where I keep all the extra stars.
