Saving Grace
By Lacy

Title: Saving Grace 1/?
Summary: What happens after "Grave". Everything changes.
Spoilers: Season Six, pretty much everything up to and through "Grave".
Pairing: B/G (duh), a bit of W/X/A/S angsty-ness (or there will be coming soon)
Rating: PG for this part, if even that. Don't worry, it'll get erm...better. *grin*
Feedback: Please! Please! *begging*
Use: Want.Take.Have. Just tell me where it goes.
Disclaimer: These are obviously not my characters. They are all owned by Joss the Evil, ME, UPN and a bunch of other folks that I don't know. I'm borrowing them for fun. I'll put them back when I'm through. *grin*
Author's Note: A big thank you to the wonderful Lissa for beta-ing this for me.

"WILLOW!"
You should go out fighting Buffy. It's fitting.
Willow, please...stop...

Buffy startled herself awake when her flailing arm knocked the lamp off her nightstand. Shaking, she realized it was all over. They'd won. Xander had stopped her. She collapsed against her pillows, trying not to remember. Willow's laughter. The look in her eyes. On some level, Buffy still couldn't quite take it all in. Tara was dead. Willow was...well, the only word she could think of was crazy. The things she was willing to do to people--to Buffy, to Xander, to Dawn, to Giles and Anya. Finally, the whole world. She didn't know what Xander had said to stop her. He wouldn't talk about it. But, Willow hadn't uttered a word since he'd brought her home. The only thing that looked different was that her hair was read again. Her eyes were still those of a stranger.

Shaking her head slighly, Buffy decided sleep wasn't going to be an option for a while yet. She didn't want to have anymore dreams. She'd had several that night---in one, she'd killed Willow. In the second, Dawn had been incinerated by that fireball. She didn't want to see what another would bring, so she got up and padded downstairs in search of a snack and something to drink.

She peeked into Dawn's room and satisfied that her sister was sleeping soundly, trotted into the kitchen. She nearly screamed when she saw a figure hovering over the stove. Her hand went over her mouth as she saw it was only her Watcher, making tea. Like usual. Like always. Like nothing had happened. It looked so right, so normal, that she started crying softly.

Buffy forgot that Giles had excellent hearing. He turned swiftly, concern on his face. "Buffy?" Is everything all right? Are you in pain?" he moved toward her, a hand outstretched.

She looked pointedly at the bruise darkening the side of his forehead and sniffled, "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Perhaps", he conceded, and smiled faintly. "But, regardless, I asked if *you* were all right."

"Oh, Giles." she sighed, and hugged him tight. "These are the tears of goodness. For the first time in a long time I feel like...like there's a real chance that things are going to be okay again. That we'll get through this." She paused. "It's so good to have you home."

Her face was in his chest, so she didn't see the warring emotions on his face at her words. With an effort, he kept the moment light. "Indeed? Rather worth going away again if I'm to have this kind of reception when I return."

He smiled kindly down at her. Buffy, surprised, felt her throat close again. Well, she told herself, this had been a day of heightened emotions.

Giles paused, and let the moment pass. "Have some tea with me?" He held a cup out to her.

"Thanks." She followed him to the table. They sat in companionable silence for a moment.

"You look tired." Buffy said softly.

"I am. Bone tired. I feel rather like I've been dragged cross country behind a semi. But, I know I shan't sleep for a bit."

"Why?"

"All the magicks. Makes one a tad....jumpy."

"Oh. Like super caffeine? So..the tea."

"Yes. I thought I'd greet the wee hours on my own. But, I must say it's nice to have company. Though I can't say I know why you're still awake."

"Nightmares."

"Very bad?"

"You don't want to know" she said ruefully. "Giles, I gotta know, what's going to happen to Willow?"

He looked down and said nothing. Then groaned.

"I don't think I'm capable of talking about this over tea, Buffy."

"That...that's okay, you don't have to tell---" she stopped when she realized that Giles was still talking. He was muttering something that she didn't understand. Then he waved a hand at the table between them and a bottle of Scotch and two glasses appeared.

"Pour."

"Wow, Giles, when did you turn into Harry Potter?"

It took him a minute to figure out what she was asking. "Oh. Residual effects of all of that borrowed power. Rather useful in a pinch. Don't mention I did that", a sly smile spread over his face.

"Oh, God, is it that bad?"

"Pour," he directed. "If we're going to talk about this, I thought this would be helpful. Why make it harder?"

She passed him a glass.

"I know you don't really care for Scotch, Buffy, but old habits die hard."

"I'll deal" she said, taking a gulp to prove her point. The liquor burned a path down her throat, but oddly made her feel closer to Giles. "Besides someone told me once you should never drink alone. Bad form."

He laughed softly, and drank with her.

"So...Willow" he said heavily. "Honestly, Buffy, I don't know what's going to happen to her. Quite. It's beyond my skill to...reach her. Even in my youngest, wildest days, I never went as far into the dark magick as she has. She's in a kind of limbo, I imagine. Xander got through to her...and it's like she just...she's shut down. She won't respond to anything. Sometimes she recognizes Xander, or calls for Tara, or says something vaguely unpleasant in my general direction for keeping her here, but that's only happened a few times." He knocked back the rest of his drink and poured another.

"So, there's nothing we can do?"

"I don't know yet. I'm going to make some calls in the morning. But, you must remember, that whatever is to be done, her recovery won't be immediate. And, it may involve asking favors of those we don't consider to be friends."

Buffy finished the rest of her drink before speaking in a small voice. "Are you staying for all that? Or are you going back to England?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me, Buffy." he replied quietly. "I should have been."

"But are you leaving again?" There was a tone in her voice that surprised her, so she covered the moment by refilling her glass, and missed the look he gave her.

"I don't know yet", Giles' voice sounded funny, "I suppose it depends."

"On what?"

"On several things. At the risk of changing the subject, can I ask a question of you, then? While we've liquor is probably the best time."

"Okay", she said hesitantly.

"Are you...", he stumbled over the words in a rush, "in a relationship with Spike now?" His voice had that funny sound to it again, like he was choking, and he wouldn't meet her eyes.

"God, Giles, no!"

"Then...what is...are you two..." he stammered, blushed and paused.

Buffy stared at him for a moment. She could definitely feel the Scotch in her brain now, as she couldn't seem to stop the honesty coming out of her mouth. "I don't know. I was...lost, I guess. I didn't understand what was happening...why I was here. And you were gone, and angry at me, and everyone just expected me to just be okay again. Be Buffy. But, everything hurt so much...." she gulped more Scotch. "Sleeping with Spike was, I guess, my way of proving that...that I wasn't still dead. That someone could want me when I was...broken. Not myself. I felt really alone." her voice cracked.

"Oh, Buffy."

"I'm sorry, Giles. I'm sorry that I..that I messed it all up..that I was so hateful to you. And Willow. And Xander. And Dawn and everybody." She looked at him sadly. "I drove you away because I was such a bitch didn't I?"

"No, no, you did no such thing. I'm afraid...I was wrong to leave you. I had a calling, a destiny to help you."

"But, not to give up your life for me" she said hollowly.

"Buffy...you *are* my life." She didn't look at him. "You must know.." he stopped, and blushed again.

"I'm sorry I was so horrible to you. Before you left. Even...before I...before I died. You didn't deserve it, and--"

"Please," he interupted roughly, "can we not discuss that."

Suddenly, it was as though a light had come on in Buffy's head. Maybe tipsiness brought clarity, she wasn't sure. All she did know was that everyone, Willow, Dawn, Xander, even Tara--everyone had told her about their grieving, and missing her, and how hard it had been the summer she died. What they'd done without her.

But not Giles. Never Giles. Not one mention of it. Ever.

And looking at him now, the pain in his eyes, with this new knowledge, she didn't know how he'd managed to survive it.

Giles cast about for another topic, anything. "I really do quite like your hair" he said softly, smoothing it out of her face.

He'd never really touched her like that before. It was simple, sweet, and it shook Buffy internally. Her breath caught, but she pressed on.

"Giles...what did you do when....when I died?"

He started and stared at her. "Buffy...I...there's no point to...why would you even..."

"Please," she said quietly. "I need to know."

He didn't say anything for a full five minutes. When he spoke his voice was so low Buffy had to strain to hear it all. "I...I carried you to the ambulance. I did the paperwork. I ran outdoors and was violently ill in an alley in back of the hospital. I didn't want them, Dawn especially, to witness me in that state. I stayed with Dawn until Willow and Tara moved in. I...I tore the training room apart. And, I wept. For what seemed forever."

"Oh, Giles." Buffy was near tears herself. She leaned close to her Watcher and hugged him tightly. "Promise me something." He didn't look at her. "Promise me you won't leave me again. I can't do this...I can't do this without you."

"Buffy, I don't know what my plans are, as yet. Let's take it a day at a time, shall we?" his voice was muffled by her hair.

"Promise me, Giles."

He kissed the top of her head, absently murmuring, as much to himself as to her, "I can't deny you Buffy. Whatever you ask of me..."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"I'm aware," he said, smiling ruefully and seemingly pulling himself back from somewhere far away. "And with that, I think the Slayer and her Watcher have had quite enough to drink for tonight." He waved a hand again and the bottle disappeared. "You should get to bed, Buffy, it's terribly late. I know where the blankets for the couch are stored."

"Gi-iles." she intoned. "I'm not letting you sleep on the couch. Not after you were so beat up tonight."

"I promise you, I'm fine. Xander and Willow have the master bedroom, Dawn hers, now you to yours and I will be quite fine down here. Perfectly comfortable."

"Yeah, right. I've slept on that couch. Not the biggest in comfort." She paused, thinking. "Come to bed with me."

Choking sounds were all Giles could manage for a moment. "Really, Buffy, it's all right..."

"Really, Rupert, I don't mind" she mocked him. "Come on. The bed's plenty big enough in my room. I won't bite."

He goggled at her.

"Besides...I don't think I want to be alone after all this. Please?" she held a hand out toward him.

Slowly, he took it and allowed her to lead him upstairs. Giles fell asleep with Buffy's head nestled against his chest. And he slept better than he had in months.

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